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Friday, April 23rd, 2004
9:59 am - Tremors
I jumped on the bandwagon. Here I go expressing myself.

http://www.fanfiction.net/read.php?storyid=1832071

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Tuesday, March 30th, 2004
9:22 am - Nov. 2000 City of Akron Employee of the Month
"BUTCH is a hard working individual who does whatever is needed to accomplish an assignment. He likes to joke that, when something is needed of another department such as Parks, to cut down a tree they come over to cut it down. However, at Sewer, as he is the go to guy, he is given the saw."

Butch is such a joker.

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Tuesday, November 4th, 2003
11:27 am - Bare your teeth.
As I walked down from atop the mountain, a deer burst upon the scene, a mere stone's throw away, and disappeared with a flourish into the heavy underbrush. "What a peaceful scene on such a beatiful morning!" I thought to myself. At that moment, a huge fucking cougar lept forth from the sleeping trees and gave chase to the deer. I let out a whistle of appreciation at nature's terror, and then decided to pick up the pace, with a rock in my hand, just in case.

Ted

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Tuesday, July 22nd, 2003
2:07 pm
Perusing my e-mail I discovered someone named "Albert" had sent me mail with the subject "Albert Belle". I decided to examine it further, and of course it just provided a link to a dating service. Even when something is recognizable as junk mail, I will take a look if I find the subject the sender is attempting to dupe me with is interesting enough. But it made me wonder: Would a large percentage of the population be excited to receive some news of Albert Belle, possibly sent by the stocky batsman himself?

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Thursday, March 13th, 2003
9:05 pm - What you say?
My boss sent me an e-mail today containg this quote:

"Hsun Tsao usually wears a red hooded sweatshirt, is Asian with broad shoulders, above average height and has a large round head.It really is large and round.. Don't let him tell you any stories. He NEVER will be allowed to get a carrel key."

It would take me quite awhile to explain the background for this, but nonetheless I can say her description of Hsun Tsao was right on the money! I especially liked the thoughtful pause after emphasizing exactly how large and round his head is. Also, I was given the impression that he is apparently able to lull a person into submission by telling them stories. I am beginning to think he is perhaps a 4,000-year old demi-lich/mummy?

Word is Bone,
leBaron von James

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Thursday, December 12th, 2002
12:45 am - attn: to whom i may concern
Today, when I got home from finishing my exam/paper I decided to "treat" myself and I ordered myself a PIZZA which took nearly two hours to arrive. In the meantime I watched my roommates play Mortal Kombat Gold for the Sega Dreamcast. They were unable to complete any fatalities. Then at 7pm I came to work. There have been approximately ten people in the library all night. The highlight of my worknight was when the workers at the circulation desk ordered some PIZZA and I GANK'D some. Fuck these days.

Suck my dick,
T. Pitts

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Sunday, November 17th, 2002
10:18 pm
I am really fucking tired of people flipping a bitch when they have to pay for something at school. Like I just told a girl that in order to get an article she would need to pay to print it her damn self, and that it would cost less than 2 bone-notes. She fucking started throwing a tantrum like a 3 year old human, and insisting that "that is not fair" and asking me to print it for her/give it to her for free. I obviously replied "Hell no, slut" but it was still obnoxious. First of all, I don't do anyone's school work for them, second, I don't give anyone anything fo' free. People need to understand that strangers don't give a fuck about them. You know, for a job that requires me to spend 90% of my time doing what I please I am able to get myself really riled(sp?) up.

Peace Out,
Ted

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Monday, November 11th, 2002
6:59 pm - Tendulkar's 31st ton keeps Indian hopes alive
(an excerpt)

...The home side had been reduced to 87 for four mainly due to an fiery opening spell by fast bowler Mervyn Dillon but Tendulkar and Vangipurappu Laxman, who was 30 not out, came together for a 108-run unbroken sixth wicket stand...

...But India, now 56 runs ahead, are in with a good chance to draw the test and a slim chance of forcing a win as the wicket is expected to heavily favour their spinners on the final day...

...Tendulkar got his century, his first at the Eden Gardens, off 160 balls with two runs to extra cover off paceman Darren Powell. He celebrated by taking off his helmet, raising his arms in the air and hugging non-striker Laxman...

...The explosive Virender Sehwag hit Dillon to fine leg and mid-off for two fours but the bowler forced the stocky batsman to fend a rising delivery to Chanderpaul at backward short leg...

...Tendulkar and skipper Saurav Ganguly added 38 for the fourth wicket before Ganguly (16) was given lbw, also by de Silva, to Cameron Cuffy to a ball that pitched on leg stump but seemed to be angling down off...

...The visitors lost their last five wickets for 47 runs to be all out midway through the morning, with off-spinner Harbhajan Singh finishing with five for 115 to claim his 11th five-wicket haul in a test innings...

...Samuels, 89 not out overnight, got his century with a single to long-on off leg-spinner Anil Kumble and then celebrated by driving Harbhajan past long-on for four...



Apparently Cricket is a game built aroung nonsensical grammar. I think one is awarded points by stringing together as many unrelated words as possible. Anyhow, I think I am going to karaoke night at Mico's tomorrow night if anyone would like to join me.

T. Papier

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Monday, October 28th, 2002
11:31 pm
Today, after hearing Greg Em speak on the game "Millions of Millions" I decided to win the lottery tomorrow. A "cool" 60 million bone-notes. So tonight at work I went to the Ohio Lottery website in order to plan my victory. I stumbled across the "website" for all of the instant games, and I must say, some of their names are great. You've got your obvious ("Cash" or "Ticket to Cash"), the goofy ("Grand in the Hand" or "Count Cashula"), to the downright Dickensian ("'Tis a Winning Season"). Personally, I am most impressed by the horribly awkward diction of the phrase "Grand in the Hand." ANYWAYS, soon enough I will purchase everyone a round of tophats, on me!

Ted P.

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Monday, October 21st, 2002
10:54 pm
D. Rich recently spoke on the weak state of the LJ community. I cannot speak for all the other faggots, but I actually have nothing to say to you queers. I will post a post that you can use for every day until further notice. Today I am going to drag myself out of bed twenty minutes before my first class. I will have slept 0-2 hours prior to this. I will go to school, and fall asleep in many classes. Then I will either go home or to work. Either way, I will plan on doing lots of studying, but that will be postponed in order for me to read fantasy fiction or play World Series Baseball 2K2. Eventually I will do said homework/studying, but I won't do a very good job of it. So there you go. Read this every day if you would like, I assure you it will be accurate. Sorry to disappoint you Dave. Oh, things may be looking up, Greg just got World Series Baseball 2K3.

Ted

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Sunday, October 13th, 2002
7:22 pm
Plans for work tonite:

1. Attempt to find a website that lists the location of a number equal to or greater than five stars/constellations and their positions in the night sky at specific times on specific days in an effort to forge a "Skylog" for my Astronomy class. I meant to actually do it on one of the previous two nights but it was always too "cloudy."

2. Begin work on my presentation about Francis Marion. Yes, the Swamp Fox. Yes, I'm in fourth grade.

3. Test some categorical syllogisms for validity.

4. Read some fantasy fiction.

5. Overly concern myself with Internet, particularly Nazi memorabilia on eBay.

As you can see, I'll really be earning my $5.65 tonite!

Theo.

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Wednesday, September 25th, 2002
7:10 pm
I have just recently listened to one of the weirdest, possibly most genius, possibly most awful records of my life. It is the new In Flames record. I do not recall the name, my newest roommate "Joe" lent it to me. Anyways, on this record In Flames have successfully bridged the gap between metal and every genre of music that is not metal. Particularly the genres including Bad Religion and Peter Murphy. One must also not forget "Synth" pop and eastern european folk music. ? I hope to decide soon if it is the best or worst record mine ears have ever laid upon.

Also, people are being complete dick-suckers at my job tonight. What's up with that? Just because you are fat and stupid doesn't mean you have to give me a hard time because you are to stupid to comprehend simple directions. Oh well...

Sorry to the boys in blue for escapin' you, because I'm the burglar. Now imagine this: A man in the road, with a bird's head on top while you listen to crocodile rock, I'm the cat burglar, and you're shopping to get busted in your chops.

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Monday, September 23rd, 2002
5:04 pm - Dear chatroom
Does anyone else in here like murder? IM me, 21/m.

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Wednesday, September 18th, 2002
6:42 pm - Another College Day
Astronomy class today, the professor instructs us to find a partner for a "group quiz." I happen to be sitting next to a retarded mulatto gay dwarf.

The teacher writes the following query on the board:
"The sun is setting. Where would a full moon be located?"

Idiot halfie homo troll copies this down on our paper, word for word.

I say "Well, if the sun is setting, I suppose the full moon would be rising, as a full moon is always opposite the sun."

He responds (exasperated) "Wait! Wait! Where did it ever say the sun was SETTING!?"

Thank you,
Ted

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Wednesday, September 11th, 2002
6:57 pm - The Sandy Niggrs' Have blown Castle #2 to the Fucking MOON!
Today I wish to record some thoughts...

Firstly, I shall comment on an issue that has been bothering me of late. There have apparently been some "mizunnystood?ings" concerning LJ posts during the past few weeks, mainly concerning Dave R.'s messages. He feels people are "calling him out" on things he says, and getting perhaps slightly upset that people are overlooking the sarcastic tone of his posts. Here is an explanation: Short, written messages on the internet, be it electromail or LiveJournal, HAVE NO TONE. There is no inflection in the written word. Anything anyone writes is taken literally, unless it is completely absurd or blatantly metaphorical. Many of you may have read a book before, and felt that it had "tone." But that is because it was most likely tens of pages long, with many descriptive words being used to establish said tone. Two paragraphs written in a very terse style can in no way accomplish that. This post is an excellent example, since I said Dave's name specifically he will probably feel that this is a personal attack against him, when it is not. But he cannot help but take every word literally, because this exchange does not have all that goes into conversation. Inflection, body language, etc. that provide the nuance to what is actually being said. When I left a rather sharp response on Dave's post about his school situation due to the Las Vegas trip, I had a very different response than if he had said those same words to me personally. If I had spoken with Dave, he most likely would have used an inflection that said "this is sarcastic" and delivered it with a laugh. But without those aspects of language, neither I nor anyone else can determine what to be taken literally and what not to be. Unless you want to write "sarcastic" in parentheses next to every phrase that is meant to be expressed that way. This became very lengthy, but it is an issue that many people seem to have a problem with. I'm not saying I'm really great at this, I find myself taking every one of all your posts very literally, and while I usually try to omit anyhting I think might be taken the wrong way, I'm sure there is plenty that is interpreted in a way I didn't intend. So, there you have it. I apologize for absolutely no reason.

Second, "You're so Vain" by Carly Simon has some of the most idiotic lyrics I have ever heard, particulary the last verse that states something like "in your free time you're probably with an underworld spy, or the wife of a close friend." Which now that I've looked at them written down they are actually pretty funny, although not fitting with the TONE of the song.

Third, a small bit of prose.
From the venomous acid pits of Io, a new Godling has been vomited forth. His bones are constructed, His flesh grows a moody orange with the chill touch of those who spawned him. His mind's expedition to the planet Earth shall be one of excruciating, feverish torment, as the whirring black of the Holy Machine parries his every thrust towards his goal: A new empire established on the glassy dust dunes of Ti-Gamr. When his Pure White spires illumin with there emittance the engines of Thou Behemoth, a new Age of Remembrance Lasers shall commence.

For additional chapters of my forthcoming novel tentatively entitled "Platoon 46 in Space" just speak with me,
Theo P.

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Friday, September 6th, 2002
12:18 pm
Attn: Ya'll

I wish to attend Dave D.'s graduation party but have no idea how. I get off school at 2:30, I will call Fulvi and Malli and if anyone else sees this and can tell me how to go there please call me and inform me.

Peace out ya'll,
Sway

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Sunday, September 1st, 2002
7:06 pm - I suppose to you the following question.
Dearest Friends/Neighbors,

I have absolutely nothing of interest to say. The previous week has been almost completely devoid of perverts, awkwardness, embarassing moments or any of the other things that make ye olde tyme worlde gonne yondere. I give it a ranking of four jewels.

Ted Em: It is funny you should say that any night but Thursday would be good to play D&D, as it is the best for me. But here are some more possibilities. Tuesday night, although I could not arrive until 8:30-9:00. Friday after 3:00. Saturday anytime. Sunday, but I must finish by 5:00. Let me know, the Eormanric thirsts for blood!

To All: Do you remember in Wizards & Warriors when you are inside that big tree and the bees are buzzin'? That is my current state of existence. Excellent music and lots of pink and red bees.

Now, a short soliloquy/possible epitaph:
Blaste forth, my comrades! The want of emblazened forever skies is not the cunning of a madman, but the destine of the H-Bomb! I receive your violet hues under a dome of mind-shattering glory! The putrilaginous putto shall be unearthed to take seat on the heavenly throne that is Io.

Peace out world,
Theo.

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Wednesday, August 28th, 2002
8:18 pm
For those interested a new study has shown that diet soda can cause multiple sclerosis. The diet dr. pepper lawsuit may be back on.

Theo.

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Monday, August 26th, 2002
10:29 pm - Angela Lansbury's pantsuit, she wore
Today was the first day of school. I was half an hour late to my first class, but I attended it anyway. It seems to be filled with world-class Abobos and Brian Rich. I then acquired a Japanese class. I went home and ate a multi-grain bagel with peanut butter while watching a VH1 special about Kid Rock. After a brief, cold shower I returned to the campus for Astronomy. When I first got there a representative Abobo from McGraw-Hill was giving a tutorial on the textbook and I have never been so baffled in my life. It took me ten minutes to figure out he wasn't the instructor. After this weird presentation the real instructor came out and told us that the text was optional for her class. Unbelievably awkward. Oh yes, and the entire time a woman was simultaneous-translating into sign language. I then went to the Student Services building and stood in line for thirty minutes to get a form that turned out to be located on a rack at the beginning of the line. Now it was three o'clock, and time to go to work. I passed the first four hours looking at internet. Then I was on break! I went to the "Chuckery" and ate by myself. By that I mean I was the only person in the "Chuckery". I spent my meal trying to dodge the quizzical stares of the retarded Abobo who wipes off the tables. I then observed many Abobos in the student center staring at "Third Rock" completely stone-faced. I felt embarrassed when they looked at me. On my way back to the library I encountered John Myers and chatted awkwardly for ten minutes. In the midst of this he encountered some of his "Frat" Abobos and I ran away. Once I got back I watched the Romanian girl I work with do actual work while I drank tea for three hours. Now it is now. I will be going home in one and one half hours. I will have been on campus for fourteen hours, discounting my half hour of eating a bagel etc. I will return home to eat one package of Ramen noodles and watch "Altered States" by myself.

Theo. Papier

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Sunday, August 11th, 2002
4:22 pm
Today for lunch at work I ate a hamburger from a vending machine. That sums just about everything up.

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